If you have similar problems reach out for help, there are always people around you who care about you!
What happened?#
Well, where do I start..
Friday - 23.02#
The day I began to fall
Basically from one day to the other everything stopped working for me. My Partner and I had a beautiful day, we played squash, had a great dinner and enjoyed our evening together.
Strange beginning for such a significant subject, or?
In the night I woke up with my first panic attack. I felt like I was going to die, couldn’t breathe, was sweating a lot, and saying strange things. After that, both of us had a hard time continue to sleep.
Saturday - 24.02#
This day was weird. I’ve never felt so sad, like I didn’t have any feelings, or like there was nothing inside me. I cried almost all day and didn’t feel like doing anything.
My partner helped me feel better and encouraged me to go for a short walk because it was sunny outside. It felt good! Later, we visited her parents. Since her mother worked in a hospital and understood how serious my situation was, she immediately sent us to the hospital’s department for mental health issues.
Once at the hospital, the doctor quickly diagnosed me with Major Depression. Essentially, I had burned out. That same day, I began taking a lot of medication: one pill to stabilize my serotonin (an antidepressant), one for my anxiety, and one to three pills at night to help me get through the night.
Funfact - that no one tells you:
Antidepressants (SSRIs) typically take about two to four weeks to start fully working.
Sunday - 25.02#
That day turned out to be quite enjoyable - we had friends over to play my favorite game, Spirit Island. On that day, I sort of set aside all my sadness and found a lot of positive distractions, which was wonderful for me.
Monday - 26.02#
The day I fell into a deep, dark hole
I had a really tough time getting out of bed. I didn’t have any motivation, but I kept telling myself it wasn’t so bad. I believed I was strong enough to deal with it later. I tried to focus on work. But, you know, I think I’ve never been more mistaken in my life. Basically, I opened my laptop, and then it hit me. I broke down in tears, called in sick, and closed my laptop.
Why was this situation that hard for me?
Work means everything to me. I love what I do, but I’ve also always prioritized work and everything else above myself. I thought I was strong enough to handle it all. But, as it turns out, I wasn’t.
Fortunately, my employer understands my situation and is taking care of me. Since that day, I’ve been on sick leave.
How did I allow it to come this far?#
As I mentioned before, I always prioritized everything else over my own well-being. I lost touch with my true self and avoided confronting my problems.
I’ve been dealing with issues since childhood. I would always hide them, put on a happy face, and try to be the funny one to distract others from seeing how I truly felt—sad, lonely, and empty.
About a year ago, things started to become really troublesome. I often struggled with sleep problems, and waking up at 2-3 in the morning became a regular occurrence for me.
This is a typical symptom of depression. Learn more about this.
Additionally, I felt incredibly unmotivated. There were times when it would take me an hour just to get out of bed in the morning. My girlfriend had to remind me to shower or brush my teeth because I didn’t care about it, and looking back, it makes me feel bad. I found myself constantly trying to distract myself with my phone, using it almost non-stop. On top of that, I developed Stress-Induced Gastritis, and I was often very irritable.
My Path to Recovery#
Since I’ve been on medication, my mood has been improving every day. The first few days were really tough, but now, almost two weeks later, I think I’m feeling good.
I know that my improved mood is because of the antidepressants, but I’ve also learned to take better care of myself. I’ve started walking a lot, enjoying the sun, listening to music, meeting friends, and most importantly, openly talking with them about how I feel. It took me until I turned 30 to realize that these are the things I need.
Additionally, I’ve started doing more sports, going to yoga once or twice a week, and simply started enjoying life more.
I’ve found a good therapist whom I’ll be seeing twice a week at the beginning to talk about my problems and thoughts.
I really hope that I’ll fully recover soon, or at least get into a place where I can work again and write new and interesting articles.
I’m really happy to have such a great partner who helped me through my darkest times. Thank you, Sophie. ❤ ️
Also thank you to all my Friends!
For everyone who has problems or is feeling bad:
Talk, Talk, Talk. No one can help you - if no one knows how you feel!
If it is really pressing, there are a few institutions you can get in touch with:
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I am open to speak about this illness and answer all of your questions.
Oh yeah,… if you really came for the review about the Depression, 0 out of 10 - would not recommend.